Which one are you?
Being a parent is no easy task. You are raising a small human and influencing how he develops and matures. Basically, you are responsible for how this small child turns out. It may sound scary at first, but every parent figures out a way to raise their child that they think best. There are numerous challenges at hand, how to answer to children, what to answer and what not to answer, how to forbid a child from something, how to teach them to differentiate the right from the wrong?
The list is endless, and there are a number of ways that parents set about to tackle it. It all comes down to 4 different parenting styles. You may not know it, but the parenting styles effect on children have been closely studied to understand what is best for your child. Let us introduce you to each of them to help you find out the pros and cons of each type as well as figure out which type of parent you are.
Remember that friend of yours who had to strictly follow the rules and protocol or they would get into trouble. Well, this is basically the authoritarian parenting. These parents implement strict laws and can be very controlling. There are set rules and regulations for almost everything around the house and these rules need to be followed. Authoritarian parents make sure that their children are obedient and follow the house rules.
However, they seldom like being challenged and often the two-way cross talk never gets established. Although, primarily, these parents do it for the benefit of their child, there are numerous side effects of the situation. Often children lose their self-confidence and are extremely scared of their parents as well as others. As a result, they tend to keep things to themselves which can have bad emotional and mental side effects. Many of these children tend to rely on authority and cannot make their own decisions. This can become a serious problem, especially in adulthood.
Authoritative parenting style
From among the different parenting styles, this seems to be the most popular. These parents go for the balance. They aren’t as strict and controlling as the authoritarian parents, but they still keep a sharp check on their child while being more flexible and communicative. They are warmer and listen to their children rather than just giving a verdict. These parents aim to strike a truce between the child’s desire to make his own decision and the parents desire to be obeyed. As a result, these children are responsive and much more independent. Authoritative parents expect a lot from their children and use them while guiding them in the right direction. As a result, these children often develop into competent individuals with a strong sense of what’s right and what’s wrong.
These parents demand nothing and are often not troubled by their child’s problems, worries progress or anything else in general. From the different parenting styles, this one can be most damaging. At its extreme, it can even fall into downright neglect. Such children often have Personality issues, emotional problems and find it hard to trust people. These children usually fall on the wrong track and unless helped by a caring hand, their future is often questionable.
The permissive parenting style is rare, but they are those cool moms and dads that give their child a lot of freedom. These parents are warm and very accepting and children can easily talk to them like friends. Often these agents try to maintain a friendly relationship with their child, more like pals than actual parents. This is why children of these parents are extremely comfortable around them. These parents are generally lenient and allow self-regulation. They also avoid confrontation and try to make their children come to them with solutions rather than suggesting something first. However, where there are many advantages of the style, there can be some major consequences as well.
So, which parents use the permissive parenting style? Sometimes these parents have been deprived of certain things in their own childhood or have had authoritarian parents, so they try to compensate by going to the other extreme. At other times, permissive parenting may simply be a result of confusion. Parents didn’t get to know their child in the childhood and teenage phase and now they just don’t know their kids well enough to understand his preferences and emotional conscience. So, they figure the best way out of the problem is to provide the kid with everything they want and hope their child loves them for it.
Not all parents provide everything, though. There are Permissive parents who are more conditional. For them, it’s a two-way deal. They consider their child as a maturing adult and provide them with what they want to be given that they too do certain things to satisfy them. For example, they can get freedom and parties in return for good grades. In this way, a balanced and extremely friendly environment is put into place.
The good thing about this way of parenting is that the child bonds with the parents. However, not every child is suited to this kind of parenting. It is good for those children that are mature and understand their parents. Children who are responsible, but nature and don’t take advantage of their excessive permissions. It is very easy for a child to exploit a permission and unless your child is ready for it, permissive parenting may result in some serious consequences.
The problem arises when the child gets stubborn and fails to comply with his part of the deal. Excessive love and permissions can give the child a false sense of power. This can become incorporated into the child’s nature resulting in adults who lack self-control, are irritable and demand immediate gratification. Hence, in order to bring out the best of your child, you need to understand the nature of your child first. Granting everything to a child who is demanding by nature will do little in shaping his personality. Instead, it is likely to land him into trouble. Furthermore, permissive parenting style can go to the extremes where the parent stops troubling about the matters of the child. This is just as bad as uninvolved parenting.
Unless properly checked, the permissive parenting can result in behavioural problems. According to a study in 2013 by Jessica Piotrowski and her colleagues on 1000 school going children, a strong link between behavioural problems and permissive parenting was found. Infect, it went as far as to suggest that permissive parenting was the strongest predictor of problems in these children.
More studies conducted on growing children like the Weiss and Schwartz study in 1966 and the Reimuller et al study in 2011 found a strong link between permissive parenting and increased alcohol consumption as well as lower academic performance in teenagers. Not only this, permissive parenting was also found to play a role in higher BMIs and lower activities of children by another study (Sleddens et al 2011). These studies clearly underlined the probable dangers of permissive parenting.
Being a parent is hard work, and there is no right way to it. Every child is different and needs a highly personalized way to handle them. These different parenting styles are used by parents all over the world. There can be exceptions everywhere, however, generally speaking, each parenting style has a specific on the child. Parenting styles and effects on children have been studied excessively. The ultimate solution is a balance. No style is perfect. You need to understand your child and implement the different styles to try and bring up your children to the best of your ability.