ARE YOU THE BEST YOU?: written by Vee Vinci, Counsellor and Founder of HeadQuarters Counselling Services

Photo by Vee Vinci

Are You the Best You?

Why is it that we love handing out the best advice to everyone else yet often fail to heed our own?

When I was approached to write this article for the New Age Parenting eMagazine I quickly jumped onto their website to have a peek. What would they be expecting? What could I offer? I quickly saw an amazing set of articles offering all sorts of information and advice in regard to parenting.

What I thought I’d do instead, is offer some information for parents that does not involve parenting. I want you to focus not on you, the parent – but on you the person – Who are you? Where are you going? Are you happy???

Really!!! Why I am reading this in a parenting magazine then I hear you ask?

Several years ago, I went through a medical trauma – one that makes you sit up and ask yourself “What have I done with my life?” “Am I happy with what I have achieved?” “Do I like who I am”?

Fortunately for me the medical crisis had an exceptionally good outcome. Unfortunately, in that instance, I was not happy with the answers to those questions. It made me seriously question, “how did I let this happen!!”

Upon reflection, I can almost pinpoint the moment in time that I stopped believing in myself. Twelve years ago, I decided that I wanted to be a Counsellor – and hey – I loved a good chat so thought I could combine these skills and get paid for it!!

I set the wheels in motion – I contacted the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors (AIPC), was told there were 22 units involved in their Diploma, I paid their bill in full, received the first set of 4 Units and off I went.

I did Unit 1, started Unit 2 and ….

At first I was not too hard on myself – I had recently had a baby and was struggling to find the time to sit and study – well that’s what I told myself anyway!

For a long while, I kept my study program in its usual spot – so I wouldn’t forget about it – but soon that became all too confronting so instead of picking it up I did what all good procrastinators do and put it away somewhere I couldn’t see it – “out of sight, out of mind”.

This worked for quite some time but every now and then, when I was least expecting it – like 2.00 a.m. – up it would pop – that niggling feeling that I could be more than what I set for myself.

Don’t get me wrong, my marriage was great, my kids (another one came along which made it even more convenient to make excuses!) were amazing, I had a job that I enjoyed etc. etc. yet there it was – that little mozzie buzzing in the background.

Eventually I thought I had learned to drown the mozzie out – you know how – become the “Soccer Mom” by making my life about my children, pretending to be “Superwoman” by organizing the kids, my job, the dinner, the ear for your friends, saving the planet – you get it!!

Unfortunately, sometimes that mozzie can have a way of turning into a bloody great cockroach and BOOM – there you are – 42, kids actually have more of a social life than you do, husband thinks you’re his mother and just to top it off – Brain Tumor!!

Yes, there’s nothing quite like a trauma to make you ask those all-important questions – “Where have I been? Where am I now? Where the hell am I going?” So WHY do we wait?

After coming out the other side feeling like somebody had handed me a silver platter that said, “here’s another life – go use it properly” I completed the long-forgotten study, realised my dream of becoming a Counsellor and now run a successful private practice.

I also understood that there was more at play than just excuses. Our thoughts play an enormous part in what we believe about ourselves. At some point someone, somewhere had told me that maybe I just wasn’t doing things the way they liked or wanted and I decided that it was true –that perhaps I wasn’t smart enough, funny enough – good enough!!

Looking at these thoughts and becoming aware of my beliefs helped me make a different choice I DECIDED that it doesn’t have to be that way. I DECICED to give myself permission and be the best that I can be. And guess what – I became a better parent. I became a better wife. I became a better friend. I became a better me.

I DECIDED to back myself – Have you?


Written by

Veronica Vinci


HeadQuarters Counselling Service